Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Quarter Year Resolutions

One of my co-workers brought up their New Year's Resolutions the other day at work, it got me thinking that this is the first year in a long time that I hadn't made any resolutions for myself. I started to think about why. You see I love having resolutions, which I view more like goals. It seems to keep me on the path that I want to be.

I started to try to figure out why I hadn't set goals for myself. I think it is the fact that I was in in a really hard place for several reasons. I had a death in my family around Thanksgiving that was really hard, and I was in a really dark place then with my infertility issues. I know that while I am not completely out of that tunnel and it is something I deal with one day at a time. I have come to the conclusion that I have to start living my life again. I feel like I stopped for a while or I put life on hold. I realize now that wasn't helping anything.

Instead of making New Year's Resolutions I am making quarter years resolutions.

1. Get back into church - We used to have a home church that we loved. The pastor left a couple of years ago and the church slowly fell apart and eventually was sold. It was really sad for us and we have been going to church with my parents on and off since. I will admit we have slacked, I could give you a list of excuses but that is just what they are. I talked to hubby last night about it, he agrees.

2. Start a running program - This is for several reasons. First is I had lost quite a bit of weight the first half of last year and the last half of the year was very stressful and I gained most of it back. I want to lose it again and be healthier. Second, it makes me feel like I can do anything. Brady and I were talking the other day, that we are going to sign up to do the Race for the Cure in October as it is for a cause that is close to our hearts. Third, I have read so many recounts of the Disney World Half Marathon and I want to run it. I want to prove to myself that I can do it.

3. Be more organized - I can't stand clutter! It is somehow taking over my life! I am determined this year to clear out some of it. If you have any tips please share.

4. Go to Disney World - For several reasons last year we cancelled our trip, and by the time the "should have been trip" rolled around we needed it, but had cancelled it. It is truly Hubby and my happy place. It is the place that we can reconnect to each other and let go of real life for a while and just be. We both need that this year. We have a trip scheduled for early November, I am praying that nothing comes up. Although if God chooses to bless us with a little baby then I will be happy to post pone it until next year ;-)

Well that's about all for now. I would love to know your goals for this year.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

First Impressions

*Waves Hi*
So I read somewhere that in your first blog post that you should introduce yourself. I have never been comfortable with introductions, but this is an experiement to help me work out my feelings on life through writing so here goes nothing...or everything.

My name is Alice. I am 29 for the first time right now, although in July this year I will 29 with a year of experience. Yes folks I am turning technically 30 this year. I am married to a wonderful man, that I will refer to as Brady. I will be changing names to protect the innocent, and not so innocent. Yes even my own ;-)  Why Brady, well DH loves Notre Dame, and football, and Brady is an Irish name. Not to mention I love it. You may wonder why I am referring to myself as Alice. Well, I feel like the new version of Alice in Wonderland is a story of a young woman finding herself and her voice. I want this blog to be about me getting to know myself and working to achieve my goals. So yes I am Alice in search of my Wonderland.

Brady and I have a fur baby named Hermione (okay so that is her real name). She is a kitty. I adore her. Brady says I couldn't have found a more girly cat, that suits my personality. I agree. She is even clumsy like me.

Hermione getting up close and personal with the main mouse.

Disney World is my happy place. Brady and I love it. Okay I love all things Disney, I suspect that Brady loves almost all things Disney but won't admit it except for Disney World. I wasn't even someone who went as a child. Brady and I went 3 years ago and I have been hooked ever since. I have always believed in pixie dust, fairy tales and dreams. All of the things that Disney sells. I am warning you now, Disney will leak into some of my posts. 

Fashion is another thing that I love. I have always been into it. I am into budget fashion. While I do have a few nice purses that my very sweet husband has purchased for me as gifts, for the most part I buy everything off a clearance rack. I believe in trying to make my money go a long way. I hope to share some of my love for fashion with you :-)

I love reading, movies and TV. I love the creative aspect of creating a world within our world and getting to know characters and different ways of life (even if they are fictional.)I love getting swept up in a story.  That is probably why I have always been into writing, but especially creative writing. This blog is foreign to me because it is my story. I am challenging myself to be honest, it is the only way that this experiment will be a success.

Here is the first thing that I am putting out there. Brady and I have been trying to have a baby for over a year. We have used clomid and I am ovulating but nothing is happening for us. I am a Christian, and this has become a test of my faith. I am still struggling with the fact that I feel like God believes that I wouldn't make a good mother. I see people who make the choice not to take care of their children and make extremely immature choices and they are rewarded with children. I am constantly wondering what I have done, to not deserve a baby. I know that I shouldn't feel this way, I have tried to stop, but when something triggers me my mind wonders to these thoughts and for a time I am inconsolable. Infertility is a dark place, quite possibly one of the darkest I have ever had to face. I just wish someone would give me a flashlight.

I promise this blog will not be sad all the time. For the most part I am an upbeat happy person, however everyone has their moments. I have so many wonderful blessings in my life that I am thankful for everyday. I will share my goals with you some time soon.

I have rambled enough for now, I hope you will join me on my journey through life.

Heart forever,